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It's freaking 5am yet I can't sleep. ):
I didn't go out since Tuesday and I feel sooo fugging bored and lethargic. Like, as if my world has come to a meaningless end because I'll mundanely rot away. Erode bit by bit. :/
I just realised today is only fugging Friday.
This whole week was full of failures, I just realised.
Sunday, WeiTeng and I totally changed plans.
Monday, Chiawmin postponed the Sec4 guides potluck gathering :/
Tuesday, I messed up A LOT of things.
Wednesday, was in short, a let down.
Not that I'll bear grudges against others. Really. Tues' and Wed's mishaps are entirely my fault -.-
I need to start on a part-time job D:
I know hotels don't revolve their operations around me but I (perhaps naively) think you should just give me the job sooner so I can help in whatever ways I can sooner. And I will stop wasting my time too.
I'm currently 15cents richer than Alex, according to what he says on fb. He's $1.50 rich xD
So if I can't go for part time, neither will I be able to go out with friends. So. In other words, I'll be bored twice over.
One, I have no part-time job to fill in the idle hours and two, I can't go out with friends anyway. Even if it's really really really really important meetings with friends whom I didn't go out with for so effing long, they seem sort of surreal now. WTH man, I NEED A JOB D:
I've been thinking of this thought for weeks now and since I'm suffering from insomnia again and since no one will read this anyway, so, what the heck.
When you prayed to Him for wisdom, did anyone of us figured or even have the tiniest slight notion that it'll be painful? When we all hope to be wiser and smarter, do we even expect that the experiences or insights you learn will be hurtful? The fact is we don't.
Subconciously, we all expect whatever we asked for to be served on a silver platter, garnished, decorated beautifully and flawlessly.
In church and cell, people always pray for wisdom. Non-Christians too pray for their grandchildren or children to be bright and etc.
Everyone hopes for enlightenment in their various ways or in no particular way whasoever. Kay, the difference is like, some people facing their personal problems hope for enlightenment in these problems which is still okay while others don't even know what they are expecting and just ask and hope for wisdom to fall on them, land nicely on their lap in a neat parcel.
The point is this. But did it ever fugging occur to any fugging one that it'll (so-called wisdom, etc) come painfully? It's not so grand or heartwarmingly poignant as if romantic harp music will start to play somewhere the moment your enlightenment or wisdom or whatever shit hits you. It's not like, some inner light bulb within you will start to glow proudly at its achievement. It all boils down to the perception of reality versus illusion. Imo. :/
Nothing really shocks me any more. I just fully realised this -- and accepted it, albeit half-heartedly.
I think I won't be shocked if my O's results suck like crap.
I think I half-expected that I can't make it to a good jc nor my desired poly course in Mass Com.
I think I won't be taken aback, blown off by the huge impact, if history repeats itself.
I think I won't be surprised or anything if I end off this year with less than what I already had when I started this year.
Previously I thought that I might what to die young, like, in my fifties. And thats the latest already.
I think I want to die in my thirties now. HAHAHA random :D
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I didn't go out since Tuesday and I feel sooo fugging bored and lethargic. Like, as if my world has come to a meaningless end because I'll mundanely rot away. Erode bit by bit. :/
I just realised today is only fugging Friday.
This whole week was full of failures, I just realised.
Sunday, WeiTeng and I totally changed plans.
Monday, Chiawmin postponed the Sec4 guides potluck gathering :/
Tuesday, I messed up A LOT of things.
Wednesday, was in short, a let down.
Not that I'll bear grudges against others. Really. Tues' and Wed's mishaps are entirely my fault -.-
Happy belated birthday anyway Clare (:
I need to start on a part-time job D:
I know hotels don't revolve their operations around me but I (perhaps naively) think you should just give me the job sooner so I can help in whatever ways I can sooner. And I will stop wasting my time too.
I'm currently 15cents richer than Alex, according to what he says on fb. He's $1.50 rich xD
So if I can't go for part time, neither will I be able to go out with friends. So. In other words, I'll be bored twice over.
One, I have no part-time job to fill in the idle hours and two, I can't go out with friends anyway. Even if it's really really really really important meetings with friends whom I didn't go out with for so effing long, they seem sort of surreal now. WTH man, I NEED A JOB D:
I've been thinking of this thought for weeks now and since I'm suffering from insomnia again and since no one will read this anyway, so, what the heck.
When you prayed to Him for wisdom, did anyone of us figured or even have the tiniest slight notion that it'll be painful? When we all hope to be wiser and smarter, do we even expect that the experiences or insights you learn will be hurtful? The fact is we don't.
Subconciously, we all expect whatever we asked for to be served on a silver platter, garnished, decorated beautifully and flawlessly.
In church and cell, people always pray for wisdom. Non-Christians too pray for their grandchildren or children to be bright and etc.
Everyone hopes for enlightenment in their various ways or in no particular way whasoever. Kay, the difference is like, some people facing their personal problems hope for enlightenment in these problems which is still okay while others don't even know what they are expecting and just ask and hope for wisdom to fall on them, land nicely on their lap in a neat parcel.
The point is this. But did it ever fugging occur to any fugging one that it'll (so-called wisdom, etc) come painfully? It's not so grand or heartwarmingly poignant as if romantic harp music will start to play somewhere the moment your enlightenment or wisdom or whatever shit hits you. It's not like, some inner light bulb within you will start to glow proudly at its achievement. It all boils down to the perception of reality versus illusion. Imo. :/
Nothing really shocks me any more. I just fully realised this -- and accepted it, albeit half-heartedly.
I think I won't be shocked if my O's results suck like crap.
I think I half-expected that I can't make it to a good jc nor my desired poly course in Mass Com.
I think I won't be taken aback, blown off by the huge impact, if history repeats itself.
I think I won't be surprised or anything if I end off this year with less than what I already had when I started this year.
Previously I thought that I might what to die young, like, in my fifties. And thats the latest already.
I think I want to die in my thirties now. HAHAHA random :D
